... and I'm an emotional eater.
I know it's been a while since posting anything. I have had a lot going on lately and just didn't make time for some things this past week.
I had Part I boards on Tuesday and Wednesday this week; four sessions of 3.5 hr exams in two days. 500 questions on three years worth of school, eek! Just a teeny bit stressful. I admit that I didn't make the healthiest food choices or actually do much exercise outside of the occasional walk around the apartment complex this weekend. As a result I did not weigh in on Tuesday, partly because I didn't want to know my weight, partly due to stress, and partly due to the fact that it's spring break for everyone, so everyone just sent in their weights (I don't think everyone used the scale at the rec, which I think may have skewed the results slightly).
First off let me say that I am feeling a bit bitter and immature tonight, so take everything from here on out with a grain of salt. I don't know what I expected from this competition but it doesn't seem to be impressing me. I feel like the only thing I have gotten out of it in the past two weeks is group exercises with a trainer. I like the workouts and I feel sore the day after and I feel good, but that's about it. I don't feel a sense of group encouragement and I guess I can take some blame for that too by being MIA the past 5 or 6 days. The gold team is beating us by 2x in the weight department, which is another thing that is frustrating me... I am happy for those people that are losing weight, but I think that over 10 lbs in two weeks is a little excessive, and not healthy. I can't say anything because I don't know the circumstances but I saw everyone at orientation and I don't think anyone was that obese that two weeks would cause such a weight loss, but I don't know. I guess it's possible that this person hasn't exercised or worked out before and that a total re-haul of their life has given them an edge, it just doesn't seem like it's possible unless you were actually on the show working out for several hours a day and completely over-hauling your diet. But whatever, again I don't know the circumstances and I'm not here to judge.
I guess that's where some of my frustration is stemming from though. That I put my all into workouts and eating healthy and I only lost less than a pound in the first week and others are losing six times what I did. I feel like I have to work ten times more to lose less weight. I'm just frustrated (gosh how many times can I use that word tonight). In the past several months I have eaten pretty well. I don't eat completely clean, but I stay within my calorie goals for the most part. Since I started the biggest loser I haven't binged, which is my problem. I am an emotional eater, when I stress or am unhappy or want to celebrate, I turn to food. I know this is my problem, but I haven't binged in the past two weeks, as badly as I have wanted to I didn't. Like I said earlier, this week I haven't made the best choices, but I haven't gone crazy either. I don't know what I can possibly do. I know that everyone loses weight at their own speed, but... dang can't I get in on this too?!
Well that's my sad little pity party for the night. I just have to keep working hard and eating healthy and maybe I'll get there. One day.
***edit*** in the report of weekly winners, we got total weight loss of the winner and % total weight loss, and the biggest loser so far has lost 0.042%, 13.4lbs, which if you calculate it, comes to about 320 lbs, so good for them! I'm proud and a bit jealous, but honestly I feel better knowing that it wasn't someone at 180 lbs that was losing 13 lbs in two weeks.
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