I have to say that I wasn't particularly fond of 2013. It brought a lot of challenges and obstacles, that (sorry to say) brought me to my knees and knocked my self esteem and self confidence down to the bottom most rung.
In order to not repeat your mistakes, you have to first confront them and realize where and what went wrong, right? This is just what I am preparing to do; I think I'll break the year down and note the big things that happened each month.
January - rang in the New Year with my mom's boyfriend's 17 year old daughter. Can't remember the last time I was excited for a New Year's Eve. 2006 don't remember, 2007 alone, 2008 w/Josh, 2009 w/Josh, 2010 w/Josh, 2011 alone, 2012 w/mom at Patty's, 2013 w/mom's boyfriend's daughter. The New Year's Eves with Josh were ok, I think I went to bed before the ball dropped on most of them. Says a lot about our relationship huh. Hindsight is 20/20 but that is a whole other blog topic.
February - the month of love. No love for me.
March - Part 1 Boards followed by a Blackbelt (community eye care in middle-of-nowhere-Alabama) followed by a Neuro exam; all in one week!!!
April - Happy 26th Birthday... alone. Pretty sure I spent my birthday evening/weekend alone, or I had a test around that same time or something.
May - found out I failed Part 1 Boards. ugh! Watched my good friend get married. Started summer clinicals.
June - summer clinic, started off on the wrong foot with one of my professors - ended up being the one I feel most comfortable with and I feel like I grew as a clinician the most under her; the other was just a witch. The witch - doesn't realized that we are going to make mistakes and that it is better we do it now than when we get out into practice and truly made me feel like a glorified technician (not almost clinician) and that nothing I could do was right. Had witch again in the fall for 8 weeks - oh joy.
July - Happy Independence Day. Stayed home and watched fireworks out my window and on t.v. Couldn't find anyone to go out and watch them with me.
August - Part 1 Boards re-take, went to Savannah for two days - it was dreary and rainy and I couldn't enjoy being alone because I couldn't do much because I didn't have enough money to really do anything, but I needed a break. On the plus side that day I toured Savannah alone, I walked nearly 20,963 steps or the equivalent of 7.28 miles based on my stride length. I also moved into a new apartment with my newly married roommate and her hubby this month.
September - found out I failed Part 1 Boards... again. ARG! WTH is wrong with me? So embarrassed. Cannot believe myself. Cannot believe I'm writing this and letting the world know, but it doesn't make me any less of a clinician. I am still smart (working on that affirmation) and interact with my patients well. I know that I can take care of them in the best possible way. I just don't test well, especially when it carries such a large weight on your shoulders, and it's a two day/12 hour/4 session test.
October - went to Seattle for AAO meeting. Fun, but couldn't help feeling lonely in a crowd again. I was around people who I didn't really hang out with before hand, had my own things to do, and basically did meeting stuff and touristy stuff alone; which was ok. I got to spend a few hours on top of the space needle and went to the market, etc.
November - Thanksgiving with my mom and her roommate. Tried some new trimmings at the dinner table - they were good. Never had homemade cranberry sauce before. Yum.
December - last day of clinic at UABSO on the 13th. Took Part 2 and Part 3 Boards this month. Spent two full weeks on break with nothing to do. I could have been studying, but I think my brain and my mental status required two weeks of doing nothing related to eye balls. It was good to spend Christmas with my little brother and my mom, just the three of us. I rang in the new year with mom and her friends. I was on the border of hanging with them or not, I chose to go; it was just a chill night at someone's house, drinking wine, relaxing by the fire, and after the New Year we went to a dive bar for a little karaoke. If you ever feel down or hard on yourself, just go to a karaoke bar and you'll feel a lot better, #best #advice #ever.
I was going to say that 2014 can't be much worse, but it could. I can think of several things that could happen this upcoming year to make it all go down the hole, but I don't want to even think like that. I should be done thinking so pessimistically. I need to let 2013 and my past go, to let myself learn from it and to move forward. I can't let my failures keep affecting the way I see myself; if I view myself in such a light, I'm sure my colleagues are bound to start seeing me the same way.
So what do I have to look forward to in 2014?
January and February - 8 weeks rotation in Montgomery, AL. Get results of Part 2 and 3 Boards.
March and April - 8 weeks rotation in Savannah, GA. Repeat Part 1 Boards in March.
May - get results of Part 1 Boards. Graduation May 16th.
June, July, August, September, October, November, December - unwritten, but I'm sure they will be memorable as my first 7 months out of school and in the "real world".
2014, please don't let me down.
