I have made it home after taking the board for the fourth time. Yeah, as if that isn't depressing enough, I feel like crap about it. Every time I went to consult my notes for something I didn't see previously and was expecting on the next session, I would find something else that I messed up, another question where I had narrowed it down to two answers and chose the wrong one.
Each time I have studied more and more. Each time it has gotten harder and harder. Each time I have gotten more questions right. Each time the percentage to pass has been raised and raised. This time I feel worse, I feel more depressed and pathetic leaving it. I guess I'm not meant to be this person that I thought I was. I'm not meant to be a doctor. After 9 years of school and 200K in student debt, I have nothing to show for it all, other than a total of 60 pounds of weight since I started 9 years ago.
I feel like a failure. I fail at life. Everything I touch goes to pot. Nothing I do is good enough. Nothing I am is good enough. I'm mediocre at best. Even now I'm not even feeling mediocre. I'm a plane spiraling and falling, closer and closer to the ground. I see my life spinning faster and faster out of control. I keep crashing. Just once I want to be able to get control and not crash. This is probably going to end up another big mess for me to clean up, and this time I'm not sure I want to rebuild the plane and get back up in the sky.
I'm sure I did better than I'm expecting, yet I'm not expecting to pass. And that sucks. I don't know what I'm going to do if I don't pass. I feel like my life is on standby; like someone has said this movie is boring and pressed pause to get a snack. I keep drifting further and further out in space. I can look for jobs, but I can't take any of them until I know that I passed the board because I can't practice without passing. It would suck worse to get into negotiations with someone only to have to tell them no because I'll have to take it again in March (half a year away). So for the next 50 days, I will end up bumming around the house, feeling depressed, and just wait.
It's like the crosswalk. The ones that talk and tell you when you can walk and when you have to wait. My life crosswalk is saying Wait. Wait. Wait. I'm trying to get from point a to point b. Point b is several blocks down and one across. So while I'm waiting I'll just walk down the blocks until I get to one that I can cross at. Now I'm at the last place to cross, I can't walk down further because it's a dead end and I can't cross because I have a red light. So I just sit at the coffee shop on the corner and wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Thursday, July 24, 2014
It's been too long, time to check in
I haven't been focusing on much of anything regarding my health or weight recently. In May I found out that I didn't pass my board again and I will be retaking it the first week of August.
This past week, I have been getting up the elliptical and walking and even started a squat challenge on facebook. These have all provided me with a built in study break during the day. I have also decided to honestly and reliably record my food and calories.
I have been doing a lot of moving the past 6 months as well, as I was moving between locations for my externships and finally the big move back home at 27 with 1.5 degrees to my name. (For the record I "graduated" in May - at least I walked in the graduation ceremony, but I won't get my diploma and transcript until I pass this board). So call me Doc if you want, but I won't feel right about it until I get that diploma.
Anyway back to the point. I have a fitbit tracker and aria scale. I haven't been using the scale because I haven't had my own internet set up for a while. I dug it out of storage and set it up with my mom's network and stepped on the scale.
What?! 11 pound increase since I last checked in 1.5 months ago. I moved home one month ago. I know that it's because I've been so sedentary. Being home, the only thing I have had to do is study for the board, so I hadn't been doing much of anything during the day. I can't believe I've been home for one month. Yikes! Has it really been that long.
Needless to say, I am not a happy camper. This explains why my jeans are feeling especially tight. I am only comfortable in pjs and my yoga pants and workout shorts. This news confirms my worst fear and why I have been avoiding actually going out in public, when mom and her new boyfriend have been wanting me to go out with them on the weekend.
Well, I think that's about all for tonight. Time to get back to my studying. 12 days to go.
You can follow my journey on MyFitnessPal at http://www.myfitnesspal.com/user/shu10str/status or on FitBit at https://www.fitbit.com/user/23CM4T
Monday, May 26, 2014
It's not easy being green... with envy
Green. It's my favorite color. It just so happens that it is also the color of envy.
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. The grass is green where you water it. My grass is looking pretty brown right about now. I am the victim of the green-eyed monster. Have you had enough of the idioms? I'm sure you'll get more.
Envy: when you want something that others have. I realize that I could do something to stop feeling this way but it's hard. It's hard when people look right through you.
I wish I was so many things. I wish to be pretty, smart, fun, witty. Right about now I feel none of those things. I feel ugly (I have pretty hair - that's pretty much the only compliment I get on my appearance ever - even when I try a new outfit or something; I realize that I don't have a good body but it would be nice to be complimented on something other than my curls, I feel like that is my only defining feature). I feel stupid - yes, I just 'graduated' from optometry school, but yep you guessed it, I'm having to take a particular test again. Why is this happening to me again. WHY?! I don't understand why I have to keep being knocked down, I'm already in the mud, I don't need my face rubbed in it. On the other hand, it could be construed as a blessing, that there is a reason for this, that I am strong enough to handle it. I should be thinking of it like that; my motto has always been that everything happens for a reason, so why should this be any different. When one door closes, another opens. I can't see what is in store for me, or why I'm having to go through this again, but I suppose that there is a reason. I am not fun. Case in point: my mom and dad and I went out to celebrate after my graduation and I had no idea where to go, no idea of what bars to go to. Why? Because I didn't go out with people during school. Why? Because I was overlooked. I would go out once and then ask them to text me when they go out again or whatever, but I never got any texts. When classmates bands played, I went by myself, not knowing that others got together before hand. Why? Because I'm invisible, people look right by me. I learned early to do things on my own many years ago. I like being on my own, but I like doing things with people too. I've never understood why people never invite me to do anything; I've almost always said yes or I'm available when things come up... The only things I can think of is that I'm not pretty or stylish enough and people are ashamed to be seen with me or that I'm just not fun enough. It takes time for me to feel comfortable around people and let myself be silly around them. It takes too much effort for other people to get to know me. I've always been the outcast, the loner, it's been easier somehow despite how much it hurts.
I don't know how to interact with people. I don't have stories, I don't have life experience because I haven't had friends to do things with. I remember being such an active and talkative child, where did it change, when did it go wrong? High school. Freshman year I was in Virginia. I wasn't popular by any means, but I have a few friends and I was happy with that. I even had a boyfriend for a few weeks. My self esteem took a hit that year though by being called thunder thighs when I was being fit for a dance costume. I was coming to terms with myself and then I was uprooted to Georgia the summer between freshman and sophomore year. I was so depressed. I found dance and a few friends (none of which would stick) and made it through but not without the thoughts that no one would notice if I wasn't there. I was not asked to a single homecoming or prom, even by friends. I went to my senior prom alone, after a dance competition, on my 18th birthday. I was a goody two shoes, and mediocre at everything I did - still am. I don't have anything particular to say about college or optometry school mostly because I don't want to go into any of it. The point is that I haven't been living, I've just been existing, even now. I just spent three days in my apartment, the only interaction I had with another person (outside of the internet) was Saturday when I went out for food. Why? Because I don't like me. I hate the way I look and feel like people are judging me by what I'm wearing, how it doesn't flatter my fat body, that I'm trying too hard, and then feeling sorry for me because I'm all alone and fat. Am I just projecting what I'm feeling and seeing in the mirror? Probably, but who's to say that it's not what they are thinking anyway.
It all boils down to the fact that I hate myself. Mostly I hate the way I look. I could change if I wanted to. I could, but it's just easier to hide from the world in my apartment and more comfortable to sit around in sweats and t-shirts because they don't make me feel fat. It's so much easier to hide than to feel judged out in the world. It's easier to hide than to admit that you failed Part 1 so many times, that you almost feel like you should just give up. It's easier to sleep all day than to face the world.
I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
I don't wanna die
But I ain't keen on living either
-Feel by Robbie Williams
The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. The grass is green where you water it. My grass is looking pretty brown right about now. I am the victim of the green-eyed monster. Have you had enough of the idioms? I'm sure you'll get more.
Envy: when you want something that others have. I realize that I could do something to stop feeling this way but it's hard. It's hard when people look right through you.
I wish I was so many things. I wish to be pretty, smart, fun, witty. Right about now I feel none of those things. I feel ugly (I have pretty hair - that's pretty much the only compliment I get on my appearance ever - even when I try a new outfit or something; I realize that I don't have a good body but it would be nice to be complimented on something other than my curls, I feel like that is my only defining feature). I feel stupid - yes, I just 'graduated' from optometry school, but yep you guessed it, I'm having to take a particular test again. Why is this happening to me again. WHY?! I don't understand why I have to keep being knocked down, I'm already in the mud, I don't need my face rubbed in it. On the other hand, it could be construed as a blessing, that there is a reason for this, that I am strong enough to handle it. I should be thinking of it like that; my motto has always been that everything happens for a reason, so why should this be any different. When one door closes, another opens. I can't see what is in store for me, or why I'm having to go through this again, but I suppose that there is a reason. I am not fun. Case in point: my mom and dad and I went out to celebrate after my graduation and I had no idea where to go, no idea of what bars to go to. Why? Because I didn't go out with people during school. Why? Because I was overlooked. I would go out once and then ask them to text me when they go out again or whatever, but I never got any texts. When classmates bands played, I went by myself, not knowing that others got together before hand. Why? Because I'm invisible, people look right by me. I learned early to do things on my own many years ago. I like being on my own, but I like doing things with people too. I've never understood why people never invite me to do anything; I've almost always said yes or I'm available when things come up... The only things I can think of is that I'm not pretty or stylish enough and people are ashamed to be seen with me or that I'm just not fun enough. It takes time for me to feel comfortable around people and let myself be silly around them. It takes too much effort for other people to get to know me. I've always been the outcast, the loner, it's been easier somehow despite how much it hurts.
I don't know how to interact with people. I don't have stories, I don't have life experience because I haven't had friends to do things with. I remember being such an active and talkative child, where did it change, when did it go wrong? High school. Freshman year I was in Virginia. I wasn't popular by any means, but I have a few friends and I was happy with that. I even had a boyfriend for a few weeks. My self esteem took a hit that year though by being called thunder thighs when I was being fit for a dance costume. I was coming to terms with myself and then I was uprooted to Georgia the summer between freshman and sophomore year. I was so depressed. I found dance and a few friends (none of which would stick) and made it through but not without the thoughts that no one would notice if I wasn't there. I was not asked to a single homecoming or prom, even by friends. I went to my senior prom alone, after a dance competition, on my 18th birthday. I was a goody two shoes, and mediocre at everything I did - still am. I don't have anything particular to say about college or optometry school mostly because I don't want to go into any of it. The point is that I haven't been living, I've just been existing, even now. I just spent three days in my apartment, the only interaction I had with another person (outside of the internet) was Saturday when I went out for food. Why? Because I don't like me. I hate the way I look and feel like people are judging me by what I'm wearing, how it doesn't flatter my fat body, that I'm trying too hard, and then feeling sorry for me because I'm all alone and fat. Am I just projecting what I'm feeling and seeing in the mirror? Probably, but who's to say that it's not what they are thinking anyway.
It all boils down to the fact that I hate myself. Mostly I hate the way I look. I could change if I wanted to. I could, but it's just easier to hide from the world in my apartment and more comfortable to sit around in sweats and t-shirts because they don't make me feel fat. It's so much easier to hide than to feel judged out in the world. It's easier to hide than to admit that you failed Part 1 so many times, that you almost feel like you should just give up. It's easier to sleep all day than to face the world.
I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
I don't wanna die
But I ain't keen on living either
-Feel by Robbie Williams
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Insomnia and tangent thinking
The cure for insomnia... first post an ambiguous post on social media, write about it in your journal, and of course blog about it...
As I start this I can feel my eyelids getting heavier, but if I try to lay down and sleep, my mind will start racing again and keeping me up with questions about the future or even the present.
Where do I begin? Um how about state licensure. I have to take a law exam, 90 minutes - 60 questions, not bad, but I can't take it until the state says I'm eligible. I'm not eligible until I finish the application, but I can't finish the application until I get them a few things. First I have to get them a copy of my transcript, but that of course won't be ready for several weeks, about 25-30 days from now, so no go there. Second they need my scores for boards - which is a whole other pressing matter on my shoulders. I'm waiting for my Part 1 and Part 3 scores, which I'll get the first full week in May, about 20 days from now. I guess there's no point in stressing over this since I can't really control any of that at this point. It's a waiting game, but it is seriously stressing me out, mostly because I am terrified that I didn't pass Part 1 this time around, like way freaked out about this. I probably need to see a therapist and get on some meds or something because I'm really starting to have panic attacks and am getting really anxious every time I think about it. If I don't pass, then I can't get licensed, then I can't practice. Ahhh!!!! Ok that is the big thing.
The other major thing that is keeping me awake is the job thing. I met with a doc in a town across the state, and the more time passes the more I realize that that particular practice is not where I want to be: it's small, I feel like I don't have space, I'm not sure that I would learn what I need to about practice (insurance, business management, etc), doesn't have the equipment that I would like direct access to to practice at the level I'm used to. So yeah I guess that is out, but the salary was amazing, really good for a new OD but I don't think it would prepare me for the future. The place I'm doing my internship right now is a practice that I had teched at while in undergrad and I am very comfortable there and know the doc really well, the doc and I work well together and she can provide me with a ton of knowledge on insurance, billing, business management, etc. Thing is she wants to bring me on as an independent contractor. That means that I'd have to put money aside to pay for taxes, not a problem I'm sure, but it also means that I won't be making a ton of money, I think it would be enough to live comfortably on while still being able to pay off loans and everything. It's going to take a lot of legwork, especially initially, on my part. I need to figure out how to get started. I'm going to have to get my own malpractice, personal insurance, do I have to be a s-corp or LLC, hire a CPA. All this requires money and I don't have any of that... Seriously, how am I supposed to pay for all this? That's my big concern here. I think this might be the best thing for me, at least to start out. I want/need to know the business aspect and the best way is to do it, I feel comfortable asking and learning from this doc. My parents aren't going to like it. I have to make the decision that I feel is the best for me. Follow for future posts on how I make out..
I'm single. I have no responsibilities to anyone but myself. I have no one to help me. I have no one to answer to. I have no one else's life to consider, which is good for me I guess. I'm not ready to settle down, I don't want to have take someone else into consideration, but I'm also a bit lonely. I don't have that other person to lean on. I am completely dependent on myself, which means I have to figure out how to live on my own money and don't have extra income, ya know what I'm getting at here. I can't believe that I'm almost 27 and still single, my life definitely isn't how I pictured it being at this point. But I've still got like 60 years or so of life left to live, so I've got time.
I just see guys I've been interested in and they are with other girls, and I can't help but feel a little jealous. I feel sometimes like what is wrong with me? Why don't guys want me? And I answer that with: I'm not pretty enough or skinny enough. I'm too depressed, I don't have a life, I don't know how to meet people, and the people that I do know seem to always forget me and overlook me. I don't know how many people in this world really consider me a friend. I can count them on one finger, outside of family. There is only one person that I feel like I could call at almost any time, but she has her husband and probably has several best friends. I don't have any.
Do you see how one little thought in my mind travels and transverses several subjects and makes me more depressed and more stressed. Sorry, probably more info that you would ever want to know about me, but oh well. Sending this out into the cosmos... Well wishes appreciated. I'm sure it will all work out well and how it is supposed to.
As I start this I can feel my eyelids getting heavier, but if I try to lay down and sleep, my mind will start racing again and keeping me up with questions about the future or even the present.
Where do I begin? Um how about state licensure. I have to take a law exam, 90 minutes - 60 questions, not bad, but I can't take it until the state says I'm eligible. I'm not eligible until I finish the application, but I can't finish the application until I get them a few things. First I have to get them a copy of my transcript, but that of course won't be ready for several weeks, about 25-30 days from now, so no go there. Second they need my scores for boards - which is a whole other pressing matter on my shoulders. I'm waiting for my Part 1 and Part 3 scores, which I'll get the first full week in May, about 20 days from now. I guess there's no point in stressing over this since I can't really control any of that at this point. It's a waiting game, but it is seriously stressing me out, mostly because I am terrified that I didn't pass Part 1 this time around, like way freaked out about this. I probably need to see a therapist and get on some meds or something because I'm really starting to have panic attacks and am getting really anxious every time I think about it. If I don't pass, then I can't get licensed, then I can't practice. Ahhh!!!! Ok that is the big thing.
The other major thing that is keeping me awake is the job thing. I met with a doc in a town across the state, and the more time passes the more I realize that that particular practice is not where I want to be: it's small, I feel like I don't have space, I'm not sure that I would learn what I need to about practice (insurance, business management, etc), doesn't have the equipment that I would like direct access to to practice at the level I'm used to. So yeah I guess that is out, but the salary was amazing, really good for a new OD but I don't think it would prepare me for the future. The place I'm doing my internship right now is a practice that I had teched at while in undergrad and I am very comfortable there and know the doc really well, the doc and I work well together and she can provide me with a ton of knowledge on insurance, billing, business management, etc. Thing is she wants to bring me on as an independent contractor. That means that I'd have to put money aside to pay for taxes, not a problem I'm sure, but it also means that I won't be making a ton of money, I think it would be enough to live comfortably on while still being able to pay off loans and everything. It's going to take a lot of legwork, especially initially, on my part. I need to figure out how to get started. I'm going to have to get my own malpractice, personal insurance, do I have to be a s-corp or LLC, hire a CPA. All this requires money and I don't have any of that... Seriously, how am I supposed to pay for all this? That's my big concern here. I think this might be the best thing for me, at least to start out. I want/need to know the business aspect and the best way is to do it, I feel comfortable asking and learning from this doc. My parents aren't going to like it. I have to make the decision that I feel is the best for me. Follow for future posts on how I make out..
I'm single. I have no responsibilities to anyone but myself. I have no one to help me. I have no one to answer to. I have no one else's life to consider, which is good for me I guess. I'm not ready to settle down, I don't want to have take someone else into consideration, but I'm also a bit lonely. I don't have that other person to lean on. I am completely dependent on myself, which means I have to figure out how to live on my own money and don't have extra income, ya know what I'm getting at here. I can't believe that I'm almost 27 and still single, my life definitely isn't how I pictured it being at this point. But I've still got like 60 years or so of life left to live, so I've got time.
I just see guys I've been interested in and they are with other girls, and I can't help but feel a little jealous. I feel sometimes like what is wrong with me? Why don't guys want me? And I answer that with: I'm not pretty enough or skinny enough. I'm too depressed, I don't have a life, I don't know how to meet people, and the people that I do know seem to always forget me and overlook me. I don't know how many people in this world really consider me a friend. I can count them on one finger, outside of family. There is only one person that I feel like I could call at almost any time, but she has her husband and probably has several best friends. I don't have any.
Do you see how one little thought in my mind travels and transverses several subjects and makes me more depressed and more stressed. Sorry, probably more info that you would ever want to know about me, but oh well. Sending this out into the cosmos... Well wishes appreciated. I'm sure it will all work out well and how it is supposed to.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
The Past
Sometime I fear that I live too much in the past. I remember the girl I used to be and wish that I could be as outgoing and energetic as I once was. But, I'm not that girl anymore. I am just me, but I don't know how to describe myself. I am just trying to make it through each day as it comes. I dread the future. I don't like to imagine what the future holds for me, mostly because I can't imagine it being happy, when I do imagine it, I see debt, tears, sadness, etc... Just when I start to feel like my life is turning around, when I stop remembering the people that I used to love or spend time with I just sadder, or those people show up at random again.
I don't know what I'm saying any more. I just know that an ex just added me to a google+ circle, no message or anything, but it's still weird right? I mean come on, what does this guy want from me. I gave him three and half years of my life, I spent my early twenties almost exclusively with this guy instead of forging relationships with others, instead of solidifying friendships to last me into adulthood. I don't blame him, I blame myself. Then when I moved, he decided not to come with me and left me broken hearted in a new place all alone. I am no longer broken hearted and I no longer love him, I'm not really sure I ever truly loved him - there was always a seed of doubt about that when I read back to some diary entries I wrote. I was happy that someone was paying me attention I think. Regardless, I was heart broken, so I guess I did love him in some way but not the way you are meant to love a soulmate. Then about a year ago, he popped back into my life and in a moment of loneliness, I let him in. We had a night of chatting about things I'd rather not mention here, but I'm not proud of what I did or said that night. Needless to say, he disappeared after that. I'm trying hard to not give too many details, like I said I'm not proud. I guess I had just wanted the closure that I never got after the break-up. I still haven't received the answers that I wanted. So this addition to a circle could very well be something very innocent and mean nothing at all, but I seem to find meaning in every single particle of dust. Some people are meant to come into your life and teach you a lesson, some people stay and many fade out of your life as quickly as they entered it. Some people just stay in that gray area. I remain friends with a couple of guys that I have fancied in the past, but we aren't much more than acquaintances now. This particular guy, I'm not sure I want to have in my life at all; he played his part and now it's time for his name to roll on with the credits, not keep popping up like that oh so frustrating game that you knock the hedgehogs on the the head (you know the arcade game I'm talking of). So many metaphors tonight. It must be my imagination getting the better of me about everything this evening.
I've been so focused on getting through school the last four years. Oh god, it has been four years, yikes! Anyway I've been so focused on getting through school that I haven't given myself the opportunity to have any kind of relationship with a member of the opposite sex. I have had my crushes but it has never come to any kind of fruition. I'm not even sure that I want to let anyone into my life. I have grown accustomed to being alone and building a life for myself that I don't know that I want to let someone be a part of it. Am I being jaded, do I think that I can't trust anyone again, that I can't love anyone again, maybe I just don't think anyone could love me. I'm afraid of repeating the past, I'm afraid of repeating other's mistakes, I'm afraid of not loving the man I marry, I'm afraid of not ever getting married, I'm terrified of the future and what it holds for me. I'm just scared and that makes me depressed. I suppose I should see someone, but what's the point. They can't tell me anything I don't know. They would be an open ear for me to talk to but that's what I'm doing here on this blog, isn't it. Rambling on and on about my life for no one who even cares or even wants to know. This is probably more than you ever wanted to know about me and my life, but maybe someone will stumble across this and realize that they aren't alone. Maybe someone out there is feeling the exact same way I am feeling at this moment and thinking they are alone. There are billions of people out there, we are just a grain of sand on this enormous beach of life trying not to get washed away by the waves.
I guess I'll stop my rambling for tonight and get some rest.
I don't know what I'm saying any more. I just know that an ex just added me to a google+ circle, no message or anything, but it's still weird right? I mean come on, what does this guy want from me. I gave him three and half years of my life, I spent my early twenties almost exclusively with this guy instead of forging relationships with others, instead of solidifying friendships to last me into adulthood. I don't blame him, I blame myself. Then when I moved, he decided not to come with me and left me broken hearted in a new place all alone. I am no longer broken hearted and I no longer love him, I'm not really sure I ever truly loved him - there was always a seed of doubt about that when I read back to some diary entries I wrote. I was happy that someone was paying me attention I think. Regardless, I was heart broken, so I guess I did love him in some way but not the way you are meant to love a soulmate. Then about a year ago, he popped back into my life and in a moment of loneliness, I let him in. We had a night of chatting about things I'd rather not mention here, but I'm not proud of what I did or said that night. Needless to say, he disappeared after that. I'm trying hard to not give too many details, like I said I'm not proud. I guess I had just wanted the closure that I never got after the break-up. I still haven't received the answers that I wanted. So this addition to a circle could very well be something very innocent and mean nothing at all, but I seem to find meaning in every single particle of dust. Some people are meant to come into your life and teach you a lesson, some people stay and many fade out of your life as quickly as they entered it. Some people just stay in that gray area. I remain friends with a couple of guys that I have fancied in the past, but we aren't much more than acquaintances now. This particular guy, I'm not sure I want to have in my life at all; he played his part and now it's time for his name to roll on with the credits, not keep popping up like that oh so frustrating game that you knock the hedgehogs on the the head (you know the arcade game I'm talking of). So many metaphors tonight. It must be my imagination getting the better of me about everything this evening.
I've been so focused on getting through school the last four years. Oh god, it has been four years, yikes! Anyway I've been so focused on getting through school that I haven't given myself the opportunity to have any kind of relationship with a member of the opposite sex. I have had my crushes but it has never come to any kind of fruition. I'm not even sure that I want to let anyone into my life. I have grown accustomed to being alone and building a life for myself that I don't know that I want to let someone be a part of it. Am I being jaded, do I think that I can't trust anyone again, that I can't love anyone again, maybe I just don't think anyone could love me. I'm afraid of repeating the past, I'm afraid of repeating other's mistakes, I'm afraid of not loving the man I marry, I'm afraid of not ever getting married, I'm terrified of the future and what it holds for me. I'm just scared and that makes me depressed. I suppose I should see someone, but what's the point. They can't tell me anything I don't know. They would be an open ear for me to talk to but that's what I'm doing here on this blog, isn't it. Rambling on and on about my life for no one who even cares or even wants to know. This is probably more than you ever wanted to know about me and my life, but maybe someone will stumble across this and realize that they aren't alone. Maybe someone out there is feeling the exact same way I am feeling at this moment and thinking they are alone. There are billions of people out there, we are just a grain of sand on this enormous beach of life trying not to get washed away by the waves.
I guess I'll stop my rambling for tonight and get some rest.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Whoops
Well, so much for posting every day. Things just got out of hand. If you want to see all my pics, my instagram is: shu10str.
I can't believe that my time in Montgomery is almost up. Everyone has been really great and I have learned so much about conditions that I haven't seen before, about the type of practice I want to pursue, and the kind of doctor that I hope to be and potray to my patients. It has been a great rotation overall.
Less than three months to go untl graduation now!!! Can't wait.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Day 6 - C is for
C is for... Color vision! Way to keep up the optometry theme throughout this photo challenge. I was going it take a pic of an actual ishihara plate, but I forgot to. Instead I have an app that has color plates on it, so it took a screenshot.
Can you tell what number it is? Keeping up with this blog is a little harder than I thought. Mostly because I don't know what to write about every day. I cancbarely come up with a sentence for my five year journal most days.
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